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Week 29: I find it quite easy to run away from the Cross. I don't find it easy to be with the crowd jeering although I can recognise them. But I'm moved this week when I put myself with Mary and the small band of supporters. I let the phrase "this is for me" penetrate. I resist the temptation to ask "Why me?". As Dietrich Bonhoeffer phrased it, "The liberating ting about Good Friday and Easter is that one's thoughts turn far away from one's personal life, suffering and everything that happens, and one clings to a great hope". Each day I pray the prayer of St Frances de Sales, "Lord, I give you this day. I give you all the good I will do and I promise to accept for the sake of your love all the difficulties I will encounter. Lord, my life is in your hands. Please let this day give you praise." Often ask myself if I can avoid the difficulties. Now I understand at a deeper level why I must accept them. This first week of retreat has been a roller coaster ride. Each morning I took a deep breath and said, okay...here we go again! If God had not been with me, holding me firmly by the hand, I would not have had the courage to explore the deep, dark caverns of my past. As my life played out before the eyes of my soul I wanted to close them during the 'scary' parts, but God wouldn't let me. He showed me that as often as I went astray the Good Shepherd rescued me, lifted me gently out of the brambles, snuggled me close to His heart and returned me safely to the fold. Now that goes way beyond acceptance. Week 1: Christ said to Peter and the others, "But who do you say I am?" Luke 9:20. I wonder how long Peter looked upon the man he loved before he responded, "The Christ of God." But was his answer as important as having the privilege of answering? For even though we never fully see Christ for who he is, we are changed by his presence and his Spirit when we hear Him and are responsive. Is it not similar when I have the courage to ask Him the same question, "Lord, but who do you say I am?" All the experiences of my life diminish at that point. I see Him looking beyond my past, my persona, my identity into my utterly good soul. Ironically, he knows who I am, but I do not. Just as I can only see a part of who He is, I can only see a part of who I truly am; but what I see is enough if what I see is some of the part Christ sees. And by seeing what Christ sees, everything around me changes. Week 28: Somehow stopping here made the transformation of the Resurrection even more remarkable. The betrayal, pain, the agony are not less real because of Resurrection. Peter clearly preaches Christ Crucified and Christ Risen after Pentacost. So I stop here again and wonder at God's Love. Betrayal, pain and agony are still visible today around us. I need to feel God's enduring love there still. I see also even more acutely my self-centredness which causes me to walk past to avoid the Crucifixion scenes . I promise to renew my trust in God in that very scene even though I do not know where that trust will lead me ... Except it will lead somewhere .... Week 1 has been hard for me. Excavating the past smacks of psychoanalysis, which I think is mostly bunk, like getting stuck in a swamp of the past looking for excuses for why you are the way you are today. I've always been the type to look forward. I want to be able to live more day by day as the Lord's Prayer teaches. But... I slip so much. Finding time is hard too. The earlier I get up in the morning for a few quiet moments to pray and think, my toddler wakes up just as early, ready for me to get her. She is 90% of my life right now and one of my "issues" with God. I still don't know why he wanted her to be born so ill. I still don't know how to be me and her mother all the time, at the same time. These are *now* issues, not past ones, though I guess maybe there are signposts from the past... Anyway, I guess I'll try to continue week 1 a bit longer to see if something comes. If not, I suppose I'll move on. I really long for a spiritual director, really, and regret having to do all this by myself. Week 10: was harder than the other two weeks. It was not easy to tell a friend nor Jesus that I would go with them wherever. In this week I heard about the fact that my director would be traveling and at the same time my brother and sister in law would be traveling as well. I am the assistant director. So this means more work for me and the same at home. I felt overwhelmed and began to hesitate. Yet at the end of the week I decided that no matter what I would say yes to Jesus and he would be with me. I claimed the promise of week 9 and still do. I know that Jesus is with me so where ever he will take me he is guiding and helping me. Week 9: made me relies how much Jesus is with me. In every moment and every second. I felt joy at the knowledge I had a friend working with me at every moment. To me all I had to do that week was close my eyes and I could feel His love close to me. In week 8 as I thought of Jesus love for me I felt his loving words of fear not to the disciples take on a new meaning for me. Every moment took on a new meaning with his love. Week 34: Well folks, this is my 34th and last sharing – I bid “adieu” (to God) with gratitude for all of you at Creighton and all of my companions on the way, that have shared this journey with me. I will miss you all! --Anita I am in week 5 of the retreat ....AsI reflected on the evils of mankind and the mercy of our Lord I wrote this poem I would like to share: Upon the cross You hung, The weight of sin to bear. For all the pain you suffered, Mamkind didn't seem to care. The priceless gift you gave him, Lay unopened on the ground. Yet though Your heart was broken, You uttered not a sound. Man continued in his sinning, Indifference the clock he wore. Not thinking of Your mercy, And pain for his sin you bore. When will his eyes be open, As he gazes on the cross? And realize the price You payed, So he would not be lost. The retreat has been areal blessing for me and I thank you for it. This retreat is awesome - sometimes difficult and for me the greatest difficulty is disciplining myself to focus my thoughts throughout the week and often I have not done this very well at all. Yet, despite that I value this experience and each week have new thoughts, insights and hopefully growth. It is a good journey and I give God thanks for His love and I hope the intimacy with Him that is encouraged in this journey will continue to grow. -- Elizabeth Week 27: I had a powerful image this week reflecting on how Peter learned from the Lord in the washing of his feet. In the Acts of the Apostles we see him healing the crippled man at the gate of the temple. I see him resolutely look at the man and recall the strong image of service that Jesus had passed onto him at the Last Supper. Then I think of how many times Jesus has looked at me as I "recelebrate" His last supper ... How many times I have been touched and washed clean. I pray that I can model Peter's resoluteness to service ... Difficult as this is for me Week 33: This has been a strange week of mixed emotions: relief that the exercises are coming to an end, and also grief at their ending. They have provided a framework and discipline over the 30-plus weeks that is difficult to leave now. It is like being on a nine month sabbatical and having to return to the “ordinary”. I return strengthened in my commitments, and passionate for the true, good, and beautiful. I have had to take a difficult stand in a leadership capacity, putting community ahead of individual agendas, and I have been blessed with the grace to a further letting go of my adult children and grandchildren. I undertook these exercises as a symbolic way of entering my 60’s.
My birthday has come and gone, and I delight in the new journey ahead.
My backpack is lighter and has space for new found treasures on the
way! Week 28: Easter week and I reflect on the suffering of Christ's passion and the joy of His resurrection. A great sign of God's continuing love for us is in the fact that after suffering and dying for us, Christ could have continued into the kingdom of heaven to reign in glory with his followers but he came back among us. We have already received his teaching and healing yet he came back out of pure love so that the light of His love would illuminate his creation. He is the light of the world. -- Roger Week 1: I’m just about to start the retreat. I want to do it to create space for God and develop my relationship with him and equip me to serve. I’m not good at the discipline and I need that to keep this going. But I want to do it and need to do it. I would value your prayers. -- Russell from the UK. |
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