I think you must have looked back on your life and wondered how you had managed so far to fulfil your Father’s plans for you: by just working unnoticed in Nazareth you must have wondered how you could possibly save the world and teach the people about the love you had been quietly developing over your time at home with your mother Mary. We don’t know at this point whether Joseph was still alive so we don’t know whether you were leaving your mother alone. We don’t know whether you had fallen in love at any point with a particular person, and in any possible thoughts of resolution whether you perhaps you knew for some reason in your heart that you weren’t for one person, you were for all. Your heart was too big for one single person. As God you wanted all to be your children, and you, as God’s Son, would draw all of us to you as our brother….

With such thoughts you must have been going crazy in the desert – and for a long time not even thought of food. Eventually you got hungry: After the mental shock, it may have suddenly occurred to you that you could sort that problem, right now. Then maybe you realised the triviality of such a plan: you remembered the prophets and what they had foretold. God’s larger plan imposed itself in front of you, the words from the Psalm, ‘you will step on the viper…and not be harmed…’ mixed with other words ‘I will give you the nations of the earth…’

You must have thought how these could apply to you – you could do anything and God would look after you. You could do an arrival in style to impress everyone – but think, you might have said to yourself, would that be what God – who had just called you His son - wanted? If it was, He could have done it when you were born, instead of letting your mother give birth to you far from home in a stable….

But how, you must have thought again, how am I going to get the world to listen? I’m a nobody, a village carpenter, I don’t know the famous, the important and the powerful – but then, yes, yes! you must have shouted: I am the Son of God. He told me I was, He will help me…I know His plan, it is written for me. I have studied it since I was a boy…I don’t need anyone else, and certainly not the Evil One. ‘Get thee behind me, Satan…’

It is written, dearest Lord, that you were tempted in every way we are… I am. I have been trying to look at my temptations: I know I drink too much wine, but it is good and I thank you for it. The other thing is wanting to be loved and to be assured of it by everyone, but most importantly by one person in particular. Which would be a disaster for that person and for me. I know it is not the loving that matters, it is the wish to know that I am loved in return, which is where the temptation lies.

It is desirable, but I also know it is not important. It is important that I love all but more important is that I know I am loved fully and unreservedly by one truly faithful and constant lover: my dear God. He gives me everything – everything, from life itself, to the beauty of the world, to my family, to so many people to love – oh, to so many things! - to the overdose of talents he has given me which I am happy to use for him and for the building up of the Kingdom, for that is why they were given to me. He uses his love to mend me when I am broken, but best of all Abba has given me Jesus who loves and accepts me as I am, with whom and through whom and in whom I have everything. ‘The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want…’

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you! I love you always, all the days of my life. I love you, dearest Lord! I shall never understand why you are so kind to me. . .

Two things struck me this week as I reflected on the time Jesus spent in the desert.

To my fellow retreatants - you are in my prayers today.  May God continue to bless all of us and help us to get what He wants to give us this week.

good morning to all of you. i have just finsihed week 21 and was enjoying it deeply but woke this morning feeling very unhappy and alone.
during the week i was able to image on most days and enjoyed the walks on the lake shore. i think i always had jesus moving in fast motion. i liked the comment by one retreatant who said , i think, that he or she had always seen jesus as fully ready for his mission and just waiting for his body to catch up somehow. now i see the possibility of his being tempted by the temptations ( the certainty). and i begin to see that he wasnt sent to wander amongst us as a god but to fully experience those things we experience. this week, i began with my usual "jesus living out the gospel at full speed" choosing disciples -1-2-3. when i slowed it down. saw him coming out of the desert. victorious but ready for a lakeside holiday. wanderinfg the shores . watching the people. mebbe looking for the people he knew he wanted . or perhaps observing and choosing . taking them back to his place. talking and walking.
the last few weeks have somehow relaxed me into my own humanity and i am trying to read these stories as if i do not know what comes next because in a way - i dont. so im going on as if this is the first time i have heard the life of jesus. into the mystery. lvoe to you all .
-- nell from tweed.

I love the stories of Jesus calling his disciples. Though each is different, they all speak of an attraction so powerful that all else is left behind.

I can’t help smiling to myself when I think of St. Peter. We are told he had a mother-in-law—and an ailing one, no less!—but we hear nothing of a wife or children. What if St. Peter’s wife died in childbirth and he was left with only his ailing mother-in-law? That sounds like someone who might be more than ready to “leave everything behind” and follow Christ!

Then I started to think of other apostles: what of the Sons of Zebedee? Perhaps they had grown weary of laboring over the nets under the thunder of their father’s voice. Maybe they were ready to “leave everything behind” too. And Matthew? Though collecting taxes had its financial rewards, perhaps he had grown weary of being ridiculed and despised for collaborating with the Roman occupiers. Perhaps he had been thinking for some time already about finding a way to retire.

Into all these weary lives comes Christ. Though St. Peter’s situation first struck me as almost comical, it occurred to me that I, too, am weary. When I am, do I hear Christ and follow him?
-- Tom, Pennsylvania, Week 21

I started this week quite restless. I am wondering whether I really am in the right ministry. The fact that the alternatives are not immediately apparent is frustrating. I found the prayer Lead Kindly Light very useful in keeping me grounded. Then earlier in the week I was reflecting on the Gospel scene where Jesus has Peter cast again for fish where they have not caught anything all night. I think that Jesus recognized a trait that Peter had (or maybe more accurately that I have). I imagined that Jesus encountered Peter a couple of times before this scene and recognized him as really "gung ho". Peter was already imagining the fantastic social and political transformations that would happen through this man Jesus. Not all of this would be grounded as we know in what the Lord wanted. The last thing on Peter's mind is that this transformation could happen here and now where he was working. But that is precisely what Jesus demonstrated. Where we are now is just as important in the development of discipleship as where we will end up. Peter recognizes this and recognizes his own inadequacies in the face of these possibilities. I pray that when I cast my nets again this week the significance of what I do in Jesus's name will really be apparent ... however humbling that can be.

All of the weeks have made me a better person. My love for Jesus never dims. His love for me is obviously like a beacon, it is only I who shuts his eyes. Love to all.

Week 22. Although I move slowly, almost subconsiously, through this retreat, much is happening. Just as I am asked to be 'poor and humble' I am given the opportunity. And there I am complaining, so ungrateful. Really, it is a gift from God and I am trying to accept it. He shows me myself. But at the same time He is giving me the opportunity to be myself. To move from a situation that sits right with the world, gainful employment, to another where I am learning to pilgrim, to act out my trust in God. I can't even look for another job now because of 'disability'. Am I willing to accept that for myself, for others? Jesus is the vine and the Father is the gardener. He sure knows how to prune. And He tells me to be myself, the naked me. This really is a gift. Continue.

a lovely morning before dawn here in the sub tropics of australia. my prayers are with you all. the further i walk with you and jesus along this walk, the more i am aware of my own newness to this way of life.. im 56 years old and i have been clean and sober for 19 years this month . i have experienced the wonder of working through the 12 steps and being led into worlds i didnt dream existed and now i find myself in the same state of adventure and blessing. during the week i felt as though i were passing my days not only with the one companion but with all the followers. of a night i lay down snuggled in robes with others around me and words in my mind that ive never heard before .
the choice welling up in me is very unexpected and im sure it comes as a result of trying to read these words as if i have never hear them or jesus story before. im also not deciding what is spiritual or not. just listening to the words. and watching the events of my life and feeling things well up in me which are very very new to me. i think each week i will write something intelligent but i seem to get less intelligent each week and more wordless. my love to you all.
-- nell from tweed

“God blesses those people who depend only on him.”

Depending on God in my life often means depending on other people to be generous. However, when I find that people have let me down, I often find myself alone with God— and still trusting. Sometimes I feel that God has let me down too—like when he does not answer my prayers the way I want him to. Then, I feel like I do not know why I continue to pray. Still, I pray, even with a renewed sense of how utterly I depend on God. He gives me what I need, and I am afraid of how well he knows how little I need. He keeps showing me I need less. He keeps showing me I need only him. This is the blessing he promises: to sweep me off my feet like a lover if I will let him.

-- Tom, Pennsylvania

There are so many strong and familiar images this week. I always feel a strong tug when I imagine Jesus in the synagogue announcing his mission in the words of Isaiah. I think how he must have meditated so much on these words and now he is ready. His gaze is steady. There is no doubt he is announcing his calling. What do I need to do to respond … what should I change to "tell the good news to the poor"?

Then I think of Jesus' view of investment. He certainly does not follow the "diversification philosophy". The Kingdom of God is like the finest piece of jewelry you could ever imagine … so fine that you would sell everything … all your savings, investments, IRA, 401k, college fund in order to possess it. My financial advisor is going crazy. "You'll never recoup this investment … you don't know what it's worth …. at least in this world". Pray that I can make that kind of investment. Following Jesus is not a part-time hobby.

Then at the end of the week, I get a real jolt. My younger son tells me about some trouble he is in … reckless … thoughtless. I am so angry that initially I cannot even speak. Then I am very clear … I love him but he must see that actions have consequences and he has to take responsibility. Our society is certainly one where diversification of morals is a great thing … we invest our moral decisions where it is most convenient. I tell him I don't see that way of acting as consistent with God's call to us.

But then I am back to the retreat and Jesus' teaching on the hill takes full force. Of course, I want purity … holiness … and Jesus promises that desire can be satisfied. But don't get too self-righteous. You've said your piece. Now is the time to be merciful. I also feel so poor because my own patterns of sin earlier in my life could easily have taken me on the same road as my son. Jesus sees my poverty of spirit … my disappointment … my sorrow. He asks that I follow the road of peace here and keep my strong views of what is right clear in front of me.

This has happened to me before. I start being with Jesus in the synagogue wanting desperately to "free everyone who suffers and proclaim this is the year the Lord has chosen". Then I am brought back to the here and now … this is where you have to start it.

Week 22. Lord God, take me over and be gentle to me. I beg you to heal and not to inflict. I know that I am careless and even foolish, but have pity on me. I do not want to hurt you and I do not want to offend you--but please understand that I am mentally ill. I long for your love, but fear your power. I long for your healing, but am afraid of the cure.

Lord, take this body and soul which I have desecrated, and make it acceptable. And if it be your will, lead me to help others.

Amen.

May we all be open to God's call to each of us this week as we continue our journey.  God bless each of you and me too!

this week my car broke down leaving me out in the bush for 6 of the days at home. that drove me to the centre of my self. i encountered this week the resistance i am very familiar with. the resistance to healing. to the prospect of what being well could mean to me. and fear surfaced. i have developed a life at last which feels do-able by me. a very quiet and simple life. i am in recovery from drug addiction 19 years this week and on a disability pension.
i imaged walking with jesus which is a comfort for me and has become a rich experience in the last months . but limping a little . not asked to do more than i think i can cope with. at last a rested woman leading a kindly life and i seem to think healing would cast me back inot harshness and pressures and into doign things which mean little to me in the world out there.
most of the week i stayed beside him - not asking for healing. not touching the hem of his garment. and as you have taught us - standing free within the unfreedom of not being really whole.
in my life as it is i have plenty of quiet times for study and prayer and i live in a very beautiful place. i have meetings and people and am often amongst addicts needing help. i miss my family who are in other places but we communicate frequently and are close in love.
i think being healed will mean i have to get a job which takes me away from this .
so at the end of the week. im aware that i dont know that i do want to see. dont know whether i want to walk. dont know that i do want the pox removed which could give me no excuse not to enter into a loving relationship which may be developing with a good man as this retreat continues.
neverhtless i have said YES - and this means reaching out and touching the hem. no courageous begging or yelling for me this week. but an hesistant touch,
and i seem to glimpse what it would be like . that he wont leave me to go on alone if i am well. that he wont direct me into work or a life which is abhorrent to him or me. i am like a prisoner who is afraid of the outside world or a patient long hospitalised . so i have merely touched the garment fearfully .
i have also begun to see Him - as increasingly human. he tells them not to speak but they are so excited that they do. and i see him going off into the remote places because he , like us , doesnt have full control of affairs nor full knowledge of whats to happen on this earth. i had never considered before that he were asked to and had agreed to walk in uncertainty and without using the power he had.
my prayers are with you all and my love .
-- Nell from tweed

I had been going along seemingly without too much effort in reading and reflecting on the daily scripture provided and also the helps given for each week.
Then my sister passed away. I had been appointed her primary care giver and though she was in a nursing home there were many things to considered. I visited her at least four times a week, saw that she was clean, had proper clothes to wear, etc. She had good care and I was content to know that she would live for some years. She was then diagonsed with Alzhiemier's disease and lost her memory of current events very quickly. For a time, she did not know any family member but gradually she came to recognize me when I would visit. After her death, my reflections on scripture stopped as well as the weekly reflections. None of them seemed to have any meaning and my prayer was nothing but sitting in our parish chapel and finding comfort being with the Lord. Then I discovered that Week 23, the week I had been on, was on Jesus, healing physical and spiritual ailments. Gradually, I began to read and reflect again on week 23 and, thank God, started with the daily reflections again. Something made me start again and I could feel the healing that I need gradually taken place. I still miss my sister but now I remember all the happy times we had together before she was ill and not so much the last few weeks of her life. I hope, with God's help, to continue the scripture readings and go on to reflect on the life of Christ by following the weekly reflections of the retreat. I ask for your prayers.
Catherine

When Jesus healed the blind), Jesus “warned them sternly, ‘See that no one knows about this.’ But they went out and spread word of him through all that land.” (Matthew 9:27-31)

All my life, I have wondered at Jesus’ admonitions to keep silent about the healing he has done, and wondered just as much at the disobedience of those who have just received such a great gift! Indeed, anyone who spreads the gospel seems to disobey this directive. It is one of those biblical paradoxes that I don’t imagine I’ll ever understand.

A few years ago, I went on a weekend retreat where many of the participants shared profoundly moving—even miraculous—stories of how Christ had revealed his healing power to them. Many of us shed tears of recognition, relief, and release; many of us had carried inside us for years stories of healing that seemed too preposterous to breathe aloud. How astonishing—that such miracles are so common!

I imagine that the blind men whom Jesus healed were so full of joy and love—not only could they see, but they had seen their Savior’s love!—that they could not contain themselves, even at Jesus’ request! They are filled with something like young love, which so overwhelms the lovers that sometimes discretion is abandoned. Perhaps such indiscretion is a form of disobedience, yet wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that enthusiasm where joy cannot be contained, where the love that has been revealed to us must be revealed to others, where we can recognize and proclaim and celebrate the miracles in our lives? Then, perhaps, people would see us and respond as St. Luke describes the crowds around Jesus: “Everyone was amazed and praised God.’”

Tom, Pennsylvania

We’re walking along the road with Jesus. I’m excited to be there with him since I know his words touch me. I’m hungry for more and the journey to Jericho is long enough that I’m hoping to hear more of his teaching even if it’s informal as I follow him along that road. Now it’s quite demanding to try to keep up with him and ask questions and hear his responses. I’m not the only one seeking answers. This is aerobic learning!

We pass a blind man begging and he asks us what’s going on. “Jesus of Nazareth is walking by”, I tell him. Suddenly he starts shouting … “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me”. Now we can hardly hear what Jesus is saying and I’ve lost my position close to him. I find this annoying. He keeps yelling, “Son of David, have pity on me” … others around keep telling him to be quiet. This only creates more noise. I’m really getting agitated. Now he is really yelling and screaming, “Have pity on me”. I utter a rather loud “Please …”

Then Jesus stops and asks me to bring the blind beggar over to him. I gently lead him and Jesus asks him what he wants. “I want to see”, he replies. Jesus looks at him gently and puts his hands on his head, telling him in a quiet voice, “Look and you will see … your faith has saved you”. The man looks up as Jesus removes his hands from his head and he can obviously see now. He looks so thankful.

Jesus starts walking again and the beggar follows as I do. It doesn’t really matter anymore that for this part of the trip I hear Jesus. I feel different. I see more clearly myself. My own needs were first even as I tried to be close to Jesus. That made me blind to others around me even if they were yelling in my ear that they needed help.

May I follow Jesus now with my eyes and ears open to those around me.

In Week 23 reflections, we were called to become more aware of how Jesus loves us in the real scenes of our lives. I was amazed and grateful as I reflected on each reading this week. In Luke 4, I was reminded of two profound times Jesus came to heal me. Both times were when I didn't know where to turn. Both times I begged for Jesus' help. The first was when my husband and I experienced disillusionment in our marriage (over 22 years ago) and He sent us on a Marriage Encounter Weekend. The second was at the height of our daughter's rebellious years (11 years ago) and I promised Jesus I'd never turn my back on Him again.

Both times of healing He evidenced to me the need for me to get a grip on my self-righteous and judgemental attitudes so that I could love my husband and my daughters as He does. Like in Luke 4, He ordered out my evil spirits and gave me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to listen with love. As I reflected on those hard times, I can only remember growing closer and more in love with Our Lord.

Reflecting on Luke 5:17 made me recall a similar remark to "We have seen a great miracle today." It was a statement my husband said a few years after my conversion experience in '95. Jim remarked that he couldn't understand how our daughters had been transformed from rebellious teenagers into mature caring women. I immediately told him that it was prayer and the grace of God. I have no doubt that God was beginning to transform me too since He'd told me to look inside myself, to work on myself and to leave the girls to Him. By my listening, letting go and taking a good hard look at myself, I've come to know how much I need to be transformed.

There are times I feel ashamed (like Jesus' enemies in Luke 13:10-17) when He reveals to me my rigid and anal personality. I tend to be one who "does the right thing" or "follows the rules" but at whose expense? my family, friends, co-workers? I still struggle with being open, flexible and compassionate. I still struggle with materialism and selfishness and yet I am so grateful for God's love, presence and guidance. He's teaching me that there is only one way to bring peace to my heart, joy to my mind, beauty to my life and that is to accept and to do His will. Fortunately, I couldn't have a better teacher and friend to show me the way.

The life I have now came after ten years of doubt, study, and a total revision of my aspirations.  After I reached the absolute bottomless pit of human want and need, I met and married the most wonderful man.  We have redesigned our lives together, with our love and the church at the very center.  So, it isn't my life anymore -- it is our lives together.  I pray for each of you here -- a prayer that you might also find the very center of your being and with it, the happiness and grace deserving to all.

My prayer has become one of deeper gratitude for the life we have been gifted with and that more people will come to the understanding of God's special love for us through the miracles of that day.

Thank you again for this special online retreat - I am sure that my peaceful heart during the turmoil of the quake was a result of the prayer that I have been able to make part of my life over these last 23 weeks.

Dear fellow retreatants, I ask for your prayers for me in my struggle as I continue to pray for you in yours.

The other very simple grace of this week was to see more clearly that it is Jesus that does the healing, not me.  When I try to follow him in loving others, I look at people in my everyday life differently, particularly difficult people.  Jesus is already loving them unconditionally and offering them healing.  I'm there to contribute to his healing, by contributing to his acceptance of them.

I was particularly moved by the meditation on healing (23).  A few years ago, doctors didn't expect me to live.  But so many people were praying for me! Even Fr. Andy!   Maybe my coordinating this retreat is a way of thanking him for his prayers!    And thanking God for a chance to serve him.  There are so many things I can't do any more, yet God allows me to do this.     May you each hear your call from God.   May he bless you especially this Lent.

Yesterday, I attended funeral services for a young father of three who died suddenly, quite unexpectedly or a massive heart attack.  You can imagine the grief!  I'd like to say that underneath it all though, because of the love and strength Jesus the Healer, has demonstrated (Wk. 23), somewhere in all of this I see His gentle mercy and healing Love.

My point:  this Retreat has empowered me to grow in my faith, so that even in the face of death, I know He is in charge, and while we are grieving, I know he cares and hurts far more for these children and their mother, who've just lost their 45-y.o. dad.  And, I know without doubt ...... He has a Plan. And His Plan is for our (their) welfare, not harm.  His Plan is Perfect!

good morning to you all. from nell on the tweed. what a week ! never a dull moment following this retreat through is there ? i was anxious when i saw the theme. i have spent the last few years stepping back from controversy and conflict and developing a more peaceful relationship with the world. so i found it unnerving to think again of what might be asked of me.
for the moment i think i still need to remain quiet and allow the master to do the confronting because i seem to become either self righteous or too aggressive. i am begining to understand a gentle path with strength but i am in kindergarten in these matters.
my love to you all.
-- Nell,

This retreat continues to be a blessing in my life – I can feel that God is calling me to surrender, steadfastness, passion and boldness. The thought of those four together is a scary thing for me, but He has shown me His faithfulness and love. He calls me to intimacy. Week 24

With these thoughts in the back of my mind, I struggled as I listened to a friend preemptively assume that I would not be accepting or her decision to consider becoming a minister with a Protestant denomination. As she patiently explained to me, she’s a liberal Catholic and women aren’t treated well by the Church. She is highly educated and well-learned in the liturgy. I have felt similar feelings about the Church, but I do not consider myself a “conservative Catholic.” Nor was I a “liberal” Catholic. My metanoia experience a few years ago ensured that I was no longer a member of a faction in the Church. I had a great deal of sympathy that the Church’s explanation of what a woman should be seems to be far apart from who they really are – God’s beloved. Having a friend tell me that she couldn’t share her feelings or her decision with me on this choice told me a lot more about her wavering feelings than my own, but I was truly wounded in my heart that she should judge me that way. I remember offering her explanations of how “open” I was and how “understanding” I would strive to be.

Later that week, I went out to a happy hour with a few colleagues who were concerned that I didn’t have, as they termed it, “a bunk-buddy.” Their concern, they said, was that I didn’t have a life outside of my job. They saw that I didn’t hang out at bars to pick up men and that I was single with no kids. I defended myself by saying I had filled my life up with courses and activities and the Church. I was so embarrassed! I heard myself complaining how I couldn’t meet anyone anyway, but all I could think about was that my will no longer matters! It’s up to God and I didn’t have the courage to admit it. Just a few weeks ago, I had a priest suggest to me that I should be a nun. I can honestly say that I have been open to the idea – but I have no calling or vocation to join a religious sisterhood. My will is that I want a husband, a family, and a fulfilling life, but I am waiting for God’s will to show me my path in life.

I had jumped to self-blame and doubt in all of these areas – thinking that what they said was true: I am judgmental, alone, and without a life. Jesus is beside me in helping me to realize that I am a single, chaste (heck, celibate) woman in her early thirties, who would love a husband and a child, but was not willing to sacrifice who I was, beloved by God, to obtain them. I am a person filled with joy in the knowledge that I am trying to follow God’s will rather than my own. I am free as a child of God. I am not a loser for not having someone to sleep with, nor will I be one if it turns out that I am still unmarried, not a nun, and celibate at the age of 50. That is today’s society’s dictate – not God’s will – of what kind of life I am to lead.

How are single women to be in the church? How am I to be myself? I realized that I could let others define me or that I could just simply be myself. Then, it hit me: This past week’s guide for the Ignatian retreat showed Jesus as one who stood up for what he believed and, most importantly, for whom he was in Truth. I hadn’t understood what those reading meant until now. I, too, am a disturber of the people. I am undefined by society’s (including the practicing Church) dictates. And this is upsetting to most people. Apparently, I am supposed to be a nun or somebody’s date. I am supposed to be a conservative Catholic or a liberal Catholic. Pick a faction; pick an Order; pick a man. I am inspired by Christ’s outspokenness about who he truly was and what he truly believed. I pray for the strength to reply to those who question my lack of a label that I am myself, beloved by God. I am following God’s will rather than my own or society’s.

The people whom God has chosen to toil for him in the public eye need all our prayers. We need leaders, but oh how tempting it is to be a leader, even if you are clever enough to call yourself a servant.

Tom, Pennsylvania

My relflections this week seemed to swing wildly. I started the week reflecting on Jesus's love for the children and how they flocked to him and felt unencumbered to sing praises to Him. The religious authorities were offended by the noise. On one level I see myself wanting comfortable worship, rules, the way we have always done things and not seeing out there that Jesus is really in our midst and that changes the rules. But on another level I think of the abuse that has been committed to children. I think from personal experience of counselling a young man badly abused as a child and how at very fundemental levels this disabled him. I prayed again for him. But I also thought through how Jesus would have dealt with this. His disapproval would have been clear. But I also felt a deeper need to pray for the abuser and the abused.

Then later in the week I focused on Caiaphas. I can easily relate to his pragmatism. I see myself as one of the clearest pragmatists. Often I enjoy the intellectual challenge to being a pragmatist. Pragmatism is perhaps a more insidious evil than some more common sins. I think of the Salvadorean martyrs. We have no trouble condemning killing. But many of us did not take the trouble to take a stand against the conditions that underlie the killing. The Salvadorean martyrs and Archbishop Romero before them demonstrated patient challenge to these evils, while we (myself particularly) debated the merits of security considerations, aid, capital markets and pragmatic distribution of wealth.

Yesterday I visited with a retired Vincentian priest in his 90's ... very lively ... full of great stories ... had been thrown out of China in early 50's. His whole life has been devoted to a simple premise that "God loves us but particularly God loves the poor ... we return that love by being there with Him with the poor". Jesus's condemnation of the Pharisees is as much about their unwillingness to return to God what He is due. Tieing that visit with this week's relflection, I see more clearly that my mission must be to give or return to God what he demands and this means a more intense focus on preference for the poor.

But that is only what I think, not what I do. When I’m thirsty, I do not drink. And when I am hot and sweaty, I do not leap into the pool. My desire stops at the inconvenience of interrupting what I am doing to go only as far as the kitchen for some water. My need is confounded by my fear of the water’s shocking cool. And when I go for my drink at last, is it water, or is it something that only appears to quench, but actually dehydrates, like beer or wine or coffee? And when I finally get in the pool, isn’t it after all only with the most agonizing slowness, as if submerging inch by inch were somehow better than diving in?