Creighton University

No relationship occurs in a social vacuum:

There are always other “pulls”on your partner’s time and energies. Outside “pulls” typically include work, school, family,friends, and differences in personal or cultural interests.

Differences in Background

Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds may find it important to discuss their expectations of how a “good” boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems “obvious” or “normal” to you may surprise your partner and visa versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. It may be important to take the time to learn about your partner’s cul-ture or religion, being careful to “check out” what parts of such information actually “fit” for your partner.

Time Together & Apart

Time spent apart and time spent together is a common relationship concern. You enjoy time together, but you also may enjoy time alone or with other friends. If you interpret your partner’s time apart from you as, “he or she doesn’t care for me as much as I care for him or her,” you may be headed for trouble by jumping to a premature conclusion. “Check out” with your partner what time alone means and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Perhaps you can reach a compromise where you get more time together while leaving your partner the freedom to be alone or with others without your feeling rejected or neglected. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner’s needs, usually ends up driving your partner away.

Your Partner’s Family

For most college students, their families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner’s family difficult or frustrating. You may wonder how you can have a good relationship with them, or if you should even try! It can be helpful to take a mental step back and think about parental good intentions. Let’s assume at the very beginning that most parents are concerned about their children and that they want to stay in contact with them. Pro-blems sometimes arise when parents forget that their children are individuals with separate lives, who are making their own decisions. People come from varied backgrounds, and families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It’s important that the two of you discuss and agree how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense “suggestions” from family.

Friends

There are some people who seem to believe that “If I’m in a relationship, I have to give up all my personal friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do.” Giving up friends may not be healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities such as drug or alcohol use that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. Neither should it be assumed that your partner will enjoy your personal friends as much as you do. Just as with other areas in a relationship, you can negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. You might ask: “Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I’m not with you?” Talk with your partner about friendships with others, negotiate any concerns and recognize that each of you may need to continue your friendships even when you are intimately in-volved with one another.
 

Relationships with Special Concerns/Challenges

Strong, loving relationships come in many different forms. Cross-cultural or inter-racial couples, same- sex couples, relationships where one partner has a disability, and long-distance relationships are but a few examples of relationships that involve additional challenges beyond those discussed here.
 

 Source: www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/romrelations/romrelations.html