Creighton University

Are you and your roommate fighting like cats and dogs?

We have the answer.              

Starting off Right!
A good way to begin your cooperative living environment includes becoming acquainted with your roommate(s) so that you can be open and honest with them. Be assertive about your own needs and respect your roommate's needs. A mutual understanding of the initial expectations between roommates can help to minimize or avoid problems. It is important to keep the lines of communication open and be respectful. It is likely that you and your roommate will have different ideas of what living together will be like. It is important to discuss these expectations and be willing to compromise.

Issues That Can Become a Ticking Bomb:

• Food
• Cleaning/cleanliness
• Security
• Sharing/Borrowing
• Smoking/Drinking
• Guests
• Privacy
• Noise/Study Time
• Telephones/Messages
• Bills

It is important that you discuss these issues with your roommate. It will be easier to respect each other's views on these issues if you know what they are early on. If something is bothering you, do not ignore it. It is better to talk about it while the issue is small as opposed to later.

What to do when there is a conflict?

• Try to discus the problem with your roommate in a calm and nonjudgmental manner.
• Each roommate should take turns describing his/her perceptions of the situation.
• Together agree on what the various conflicts are and how each feels about them.
• Everyone should agree to compromise to help develop a solution.
• Talk about what changes will be needed to bring about a solution and develop a plan of action, which will facilitate the change in a reasonable time frame.
• Everyone should commit to the plan, including any necessary personal changes.
• Come up with boundaries so that the issue does not arise again in the future.
• If you can not resolve the issue with your roommate, see your RA and they can set up a time so that everyone can talk.

Rules for Roommates

Rule #1-Play Fair
One of the main problems roommates have is getting the chores done that you always had to do at home and now want to avoid. So, you both may end up playing the waiting game. Meanwhile, your floor develops a new, bumpier terrain, and your breathing air reeks of sweaty socks and pizza boxes.

Nobody really likes to take the trash out or vacuum the floor, but, these chores will eventually need to be done! Figure out some kind of arrangement so that you are all comfortable with the frequency with which the tasks are accomplished, and with how often you each have to do it. If it becomes a struggle, make a schedule, specifying everything that must be done, how often, and who is responsible each time.

Rule #2-Respect Privacy
One consequence of sharing space with someone is the obvious lack of privacy. Honor your roommate's right to want some "alone time" without feeling insulted. You will probably want to have "alone time" as well. Respecting one another's privacy also means that you not read your roommate's mail, or eavesdrop on personal conversations. Discuss ways to ensure that you each will be able to have private time in your shared space.

Rule #3-Plan Ahead
Let your roommate know when you will have guests in the room--whether it is a group of friends, a study group, or your parents. Your plans will undoubtedly have an impact on your roommate's life, too.

Rule #4-Mind Your Own Business
Your roommate storms into the room, throwing books on the floor and slamming the door. He/she may have a problem, but not want your advice or input. Try offering to listen...before sharing your opinion!

Rule #5- Nobody's Perfect
Your roommate's endearing little character traits may turn into the biggest annoyances of your young life. Try keeping in mind that your snoring or humming while you work may inspire the same reactions in them. Patience and tolerance are truly virtues--practice them! If you think that you are at a breaking point, take some time away, and then discuss your concerns.

Rule #6- Money Matters
Even if your are only sharing a phone line, money can become a point of much contention with roommates. You and your roommate may have very different feelings about borrowing money, or about sharing food and laundry detergent. Make specific repayment schedules for any borrowing that may occur, and discuss your feelings about sharing your personal purchases.

Rule #7- It Was Bound to Happen
You've followed your chore schedule, slept with earplugs, and kept your nose in your own business. Nevertheless, you and your roommate are engaged in a small war. Try to think of your disagreement in terms of the "big picture"-will this be significant in 5 years?

If this perspective provides no solace, seriously consider your alternatives. There are no guarantees that another roommate situation will be any less difficult, and if you walk away without trying to resolve your issues, you will have learned nothing. Try with all of your might to see the situation from your roommate's perspective

Rule #8- Be Considerate
If you apply this rule in all situations, you may never need rule #7. Leaving accurate phone messages where your roommate can find them, being extra quiet when they are taking a nap, leaving the room when they are on the phone long distance--it all adds up to being a considerate roommate.

Rule #9 and #10--Compromise and More Compromise
Living with anyone is a matter of give and take. Rules and schedules can do their part, but what really matters is how you and your roommate treat each other each day. Learn to share and compromise easily and remember that your friendship means more than who is supposed to take out the garbage.

You might as well learn these skill/ground rules now. You may find yourself sharing space with a roommate long past your college experience.

Try to apply these rules and there will be harmony in your living space!!